The Empty Stall

"Do not mourn my passing,

For if you could only see,

By slipping all my earthly bonds,

I'm young again and free.

By day I run the Heavenly fields,

My body well and strong,

At night I sleep at angels' feet,

Lulled by celestial song.

So do not mourn my passing,

Just close your eyes, you'll see,

I'm once again the gallant horse,

As you remember me."

-Author Unknown

Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to go on my first vacation in over a year. My parents and I were heading off to the beautiful state of Maine to visit family. We were very much looking forward to a quite week of moseying along and doing our own thing. Taking day trips to lighthouses we had never seen before, enjoying the fall foliage (which we did miss the peak of by a couple of days), and spending time with family that we only get to see once a year. With all our plans, it was shaping up to be a very good week!

My parents and I would be staying the week with my aunt and uncle in their home in the mountains. If you've ever been to Maine, or almost any New England state for that matter, you know just how beautiful the mountains can be! Diverse wildlife, high peaks, huge ponds throwing back at you the reflection of the towering pines that surround them, are just a few of the many reasons why I love being up there! And if you make a pilgrimage there in the autumn like we did, it is drop dead gorgeous! You can spend all day exploring the mountains and never get bored!

Now as much as I love being in the mountains, one of the infuriating things is that cellphone reception is extremely spotty. You can literally be walking around with full bars one second and the next lose service entirely. While that may be good for people who enjoy being off the grid, it drives me absolutely up the wall. I like having the ability to check into Facebook whenever I please, receive a text message, or make a call.

So imagine my surprise when I realized that I had JUST enough service at my aunt and uncle's home to send and receive text messages. It was comforting to know that if someone needed to get a hold of me about my horses at home I would be able to answer right away, instead of having to wait for hours to know if something was wrong. But that also meant I could receive messages that I was not expecting to get, like the one my co-worker from the barn sent me one evening:

"I don't want to you find out through Facebook. We had to put Toby down this morning."

My heart immediately sank into my chest. It was not the news I wanted to receive.

I first met Toby near a year ago when I started working for the barn. It was not difficult to tell, even on my first day of work, that I was coming into his world in the latter portion of his life. He was almost completely blind, couldn't eat anything other than wet, sloppy grain and beet pulp, and startled at the slightest sound. But I fell in love with the little pony almost immediately!

As the months went on, I started to learn more about him and his history. About the countless children he had taken to victories in the show ring, his antics around the barn, and the awards he had garnished for himself over the years. From what I understood, Toby was a one in a million pony! I was told that if you wanted to win with him in a competition, all you would have to do was sit on him and he would do the rest! You can't say that about too many horses I'm sure!

Shortly after Toby's passing, I became acquainted with his personal Facebook fan page that was titled: "A Tribute to Toby the Wonder Pony". That was where I learned even more about the little guy's history. From what I understand from various posts, he came from northern Illinois where he was originally meant to be a wheel pony. While he was not cut out for that sort of work, he was then used as a 4-H contest pony, which from what I understand, he very much excelled at! Throughout his years he spent a lot of time in the dressage ring as well as the hunter ring. For a time he was even used a therapeutic riding horse. He was quite the versatile boy from what I can tell!

When I met Toby he was in his forties. His years of riding and giving lessons had since gone by. He was enjoying his retirement surrounded by the people who love him most. His retirement in itself was something that impacted me tremendously. He had been so loved and cherished by the staff of the barn that I work for, that rather than see him go to a new home after his time of being ridden was over, they kept him, vowing to give him a retirement fit for the wonder pony he was!

One of Toby's attributes that always struck me was just how kind his eyes were. Though they were clouded by age, they held a sort of untapped wisdom that only a horse that had seen and experienced as much as he had could possess. I often wished I could sit and just talk with him, to hear the stories and adventures of his life. I can only imagine that he, and all other horses, would have a lot to say if only they could speak!

I always found humor regarding the fact that Toby was NEVER to be underestimated, even in his advanced age! God forbid you ever got in the way of him heading out to the paddock or coming back in for his food. The little guy, who didn't stand any taller than my shoulder, could often be heard clip clopping down the aisle at a trot to get to his food after a long day of being out in the sunlit paddocks with his friends. He definitely put a smile of the faces of everyone that saw him!

You might be wondering why I choose to title this post "The Empty Stall". When I arrived home several days later from my vacation, I was struggling with the fact that I never took the time to say goodbye to Toby before I left. Even though I had known him for such a short amount of time, I knew there was going to be a sense of incompleteness to the barn. And there was. People who I had never seen cry were emotional from the void Toby's passing had left in our hearts. A void that I don't feel will ever be completely filled.

I choose the name for this article that I did because one the hardest things for me to face on my first morning back to work was, and still is, his empty stall. The new sawdust, cleaned buckets, and missing feed pan bore no evidence that Toby had ever been there. It was hard for me to hold back the tears as I stood in the doorway of my own horse's stall, who is almost directly across the aisle way from where Toby was kept. The void was real that day. Very real.

As humans, we don't often take the time to appreciate just how big a piece of our lives animals can become. One of my favorite quotes is by a woman named Anatole France that says: "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened". It really is true! Take a moment, if you will, to think about just how different your life would be if your dog,cat, horse, or whatever kind of pet you own, never existed. It truly makes my heart ache with sorrow to even imagine!

I encourage you all to take the time to hug your pet today to thank them for all that they are for you. Tell them they're a good boy or girl, giving them a kiss, play with them. For you never know when it will be their last time.

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"Somewhere...somewhere in time's own space,

There must be some sweet pastured place.

Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow,

Some paradise where horses go.

For by the love that guides my pen,

I know great horses live again."

-Stanley Harrison

Rest in peace Toby, the Wonder Pony

Photo by Jessa Janes of Jessa Janes Photography